'I have met and agreed, but also had problems with his friends, and tried to encourage him, and we have fought and we have loved, and I know that he is proud of me, but I am so ashamed of the way I have been to him. I am doing the same thing, right down to the last detail of living and dying alone. how could I have been so blind and so destined to repeat the same thing that my own father had done to me. 'The drugs, the drinking, the bad behavior and treatment of his mother and sister, not being there to teach him how to play sports, to wrestle, to fight, for homework, for fun, and for the difficult times like puberty, his first kiss, first beer, first anything. I have tried to celebrate occasions or had to discipline from over a telephone, and I have given and taken away almost everything he has ever had because of our predicament and the fact that I have forced him to grow up without a dad in his life, and I'll be damned if I am not repeating the same thing with my own childhood with Justis. 'Looking back at all of the ups and downs I have been loving and fun, but also over bearing and heavy-handed. I have missed out on so much of this little boy's life. 'I don't know where the time has gone, I don't know how I could have missed this, and I am so miserable about my choice to be away from my son, because of being a musician. 'Where did the time go? Last night I was talking with Justis and he was describing why he wanted to go to college in the city he has chosen - 4+ hours up north, and I just couldn't understand. 'The young man named Justis David Mustaine. no, not so much about me, but more my only begotten son.

Not even about the things that are on my bucket list. Not about the color of my hair or beard - red and white not the condition of my body or skin - very blue.

Not the number of friends - 7 1/2 not the number of enemies a gazillion. Not about the number of years that I have been here - 48 not the number of mistakes - a gazillion. 'I am struggling with the process of growing old. MEGADETH mainman Dave Mustaine has posted the following message in the 'Forums' section of the band's official web site:

Justis mustaine